Mother’s heart

 

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“Thwang.” A giant drum spins and drives its timber into my heart cavity releasing a devastating quake into my mother’s heart.  An agitated, twittering flutter emerges where once a strong steady beat resided. This unnatural vibration of the heart sets into motion frantic thoughts.

            A simple statement of fact regarding a lack of a skill in one of my sons left me deadened for hours.  Dread settles in. The “what ifs?”-emerge.  What if he never improves?  What will he look like as an adult?  All the while, the other side of my heart wants to fully experience the gift of motherhood without undue expectations and worry.  How do you reconcile these two distinctly different realities? How do you operate with a divided heart?

As I struggle to breathe, a prayer escapes me.  “Lord Jesus, I can’t bear this.  I don’t have a clue on what to do to relieve this pain and to make the correct choices not based on fear but on Truth.”

As I let go, I feel the crashing- thudding weapon formed against my mother’s heart begin to dismantle.  I understand that God loves my children more than I do.  That this skill was improving and that if I laid this problem in God’s hand the solution would continue to unfold.  The moment I grab it back, it arrests the work that God is doing.  In the past fear had frozen me, forcing me into a sick dance from in-action to frantic ineffective action.  I cannot find balance alone.  There is no balance in my own mind or heart.  Desperate I release to Jesus and start the road to healing.

(I encourage you to proclaim this prayer out- loud over your life)

Prayer: Great is the glory of the Lord and forever He does reign.  His sovereign hand is on my heart and in my children’s lives.  I cannot save my children or myself my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  I proclaim and declare trust in the living God- Jesus Christ.  Have Your way in my life.  Restore my family to their original creation design.  Enlighten the eyes of my heart so that I might hear from You and that I might begin to grow in the knowledge of Your majesty and understand my own standing in Your kingdom.  Thank you, Jesus.  Amen

Ephesians 1:17-20 (NIV)

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit [of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,  and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,

 

Tragedy Struck, Joy Found

picofjoy   Tragedy Struck, Joy Found

Be still.  How many times have I been told this in various ways throughout my life? If I’m honest more times that I care to admit.

To be shown stillness by human example is humbling. I was at Write to Publish, a writer’s conference, when a living model of stillness stood before me.  Joy Ware Miller, radiated peace.  As I listened to her presentation on Logos, her voice flowed with light and life and her inner peace soothed me. Where did this light and life come from?  She navigated the computer program with ease and confidence, but this was certainly not the source of her gentle-strength.  I was intrigued.

Jesus reveals himself in our lives if we seek this knowledge.  Depth of strength and peace evident to others comes only from Jesus, often through enabling us to triumph over tragedy.  I sat down next to Joy, calmed by her presence and curious about her story.  We were at the Write to Publish conference, in the hallway designed as passageways from one location to another.  In this passageway, the Lord taught me a wealth of information beyond what could have been imparted in the classroom. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it (Matt 7:14 New Living Translation).  Joy, submitted to Christ’s authorship of her life, and the results are breathtaking to behold.  As I absorbed her story, God transformed my inner being, deepening my understanding of Christ’s mentorship. That one choice to stay, and be still, listening to another woman describe her movement through life, changed my path. As she described my worst nightmare as a mother, she moved from pain to understanding in what I perceived as light speed. Her only boy left the safety of their home and never returned. She walked through this pain to emerge triumphant and empowered, to deliver Christ’s message.  I will be eternally grateful that I found that path, in the hallway of the http://www.writetopublish.com  conference. Joy Miller offers Christ’s transforming message in her book, There’s A Party in The Pit…. And You’re Invited! She can be reached at www.iJoyinspirations.com.  Joy Ware Miller is an author, speaker and radio host.  I will be reviewing her book in a later blog entry.  Parents on Call, is her ministry to reach parents who have lost a child.

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Pray: Lord Jesus, thank you for slowing me down and giving me divine connections, people who help us to see you.  Jesus, I need your presence in my life, and I ask that you continue to bless me with your mentoring hand.  I surrender myself to your transforming path for me.  You know best, and I will humble myself before you in order to receive your wisdom.  Thank you, Jesus, for your gentle guidance.  I love and need you. Amen.