Homicide averted

wushuThis is the story of an averted homicide. I should start out by saying I did not strangle her. Partially because she was too far away, but also because I to, am often in need of grace.  This averted homicide took place in the most unlikely of places, during a discussion about motherhood.  I was in the process of describing my awe at the rich depth and complexity of the process of being and becoming a mother.  This woman leapt forward with the statement, “Well that’s easy, all you have to do is give birth” and gave me a look like, duh aren’t you stupid.  No strangling took place, but I sat rocked at the depths of her ignorance and apparent lack of real- life experience. I have watched many women become mothers through such varied, lengthy and often torturous circumstances having nothing to do with an actual physical birth.  In my reverent observance of this transformation to motherhood, I have seen all women go through an emotional birth into motherhood, sometimes initiated before the child is even known.  What varies is the physical aspects, whether it involves torturously long labor pains or torturously long court pains.  No one should refute or belittle the pain that is indwelling in the process of becoming and in being a mother.  Women should not have to defend their right to call themselves a mother however they acquired their children or further more whether their children are still living or not.   


I write to celebrate and defend motherhood.  As mothers we gain strength in unity.  Strength cannot be gained behind a front of perfection but rather in integrity.  I need other Christians to lift me up when I fail and remind me of why I walk in the first place.  I write to encourage others and to be encouraged. 

            I created this blog not as a perfect mother but as a flawed mother, battered and bruised by life. A mother with a depth of understanding felt within my own heart or seen within the heart of those I love, of the joy and pain of receiving the gift of motherhood.  I am a mother in constant need of replenishing.  I have found the one true source to sustain me, Jesus Christ. I have come to realize my Christian walk is my ‘mother walk’ they cannot be separated.  As my obedience to Christ improves my ability to be a mother improves. It is my highest calling that in all things and at all times I point my children to Christ and show them the path of obedience. 

As their mother I cannot bear their cross.  For in their struggles they are transformed.  They are becoming who they were created to be.  This does not take place in the shelter of my arms but in the example of my obedience.  I cannot attempt to shelter them from the pain of their choices or the life they have been given in order to reduce my own pain.  I must trust in the living God, Jesus Christ with my most precious gifts my children.  This truth has been both life-giving and exquisitely painful at the same time.  I need other mothers to come alongside me in this walk.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (NIV)

Prayer: Lord Jesus you have begun this process of creating a mother, worthy of this calling and I trust that You will complete a good work within me.  Holy Spirit bring into remembrance the scriptures that keep me focused on Christ and keep my path steady toward You.  I don’t want to wander off into my own desires or thoughts of what is right I need Your steady hand on my life.  You have entrusted me with these children and I ask that you grant me the wisdom and strength to carry out the calling of motherhood.  Provide me with divine connections to other women on this difficult and rewarding journey.  Thank you, Jesus. Amen.



Anxiety is just a nicer word for fear

The word fear appears in the King James version of the bible 528 times.  That leads me to believe that it has some importance.  As women we readily admit that we experience anxiety from time to time about our children, marriages and life decisions.  The word anxiety is really just a tamer word for fear.  God says,  I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don’t be troubled or afraid.  John 14:27 NLT.

Being anxious or if we are more honest with ourselves fearful is a joy stealer.  The evil one loves to keep us chasing after the “what if’s” and “what are we going to do’s” in the middle of the night.  It keeps us focused on this world and all the possibilities for utter destruction instead of praying for a miracle.  God wants to hear from you about what is on your heart.  He wants to minister to your deepest needs but He needs you to willingly lay down your life to Him.  He needs you to willfully give Him space to work His miracles.  We need to consider that the maker of the universe does know what he is doing, has our best interest at heart and will provide for us.  We must also realize He will do it in His time and with the best possible outcome.  He is not restricted by our own limited thoughts of what the “best” solution is.  Nothing about the act of surrendering is easy and it is in fact impossible without prayer, constant prayer.  

The word heart appears 928 times in the KJV of the bible.  God is interested in our hearts.  He wants to protect us even from ourselves.  Do not let the evil one steal your joy with worry.  Keep praying.  I listen to K-Love and one of the hosts said she prayed for something for 20 years and it has just now come to pass.  What patience, persistence and tenacity. God desires us to ask Him for help and stop trying to muddle through it on our own.

Please pray with me and for me.  Lord Jesus: We mother’s surrender our children, husbands, lives and our entire hearts.  Search us and know us Lord.  Root out any unclean thoughts or heart conditions.  Leave us clean and able to see the Truth, Your Truth Lord Jesus.  Help us to make decisions based on Your unfailing Truth and not our fears and wilting strength.  Lord We need You.  You know where my anxiety lays right now help me to see the truth surrounding this fear.  Reveal to me what Your plan is for me and I will willingly surrender my life decisions to you.  Help me Lord.  Thank you, Lord Jesus.  Amen.

Above all else protect the heart- Proverbs 4:23

I first posted this scripture on my wall 2 years ago but it’s meaning and implications for my life have only more recently been manifesting.   When I began to pray on this truth and asking God how He would like for it to play out in my life I began to see the full meaning.  My entire life began to be realigned to prioritize how I lived and treated people, to be most focused on their heart.  I began to see my children’s hearts as precious and fragile.  Their worth beyond compare, their hearts deserved protecting.  And in this world sometimes ferociously protected.  Every  stream of influence however benign looking, was scrutinized not only the media I was putting into my children but into myself.  I got rid of the TV and kept our DVD and VCR so that any movies or shows were approved by me.  I also did this to remove the distraction from my husband and I so that our marriage could be strengthened with the time we spend talking at night not viewing junk.

 I began to look at human interactions, and even conflict as not something to win or conquer. Instead I began to look at the intent of the persons heart behind the comments.  No matter how mean or snippy the comments were when I asked God to reveal the truth behind their words I began to see people for the vulnerable hearts that they are.  I began to pray for the person who made the careless remarks and not waste time on ranting about their behavior. (depending on the severity of the situation I needed to pray sometimes 50x that day to keep my heart safe)  My personal prayer is; Lord Jesus reveal to me, Why did their comment hurt so bad, Why was my heart so vulnerable to their words and what does this person need me to pray for them?  The results were remarkable.  I have always been surprised by God’s answers.  I have never been disappointed by how quickly my own heart healed from any careless humans remarks.  In that healing my caring Savior helped me to see my life and all its little difficulties from an eternal perspective.  I began to see my loving response to that person as a win for God’s team. When I stop and remember to pray, I am always rewarded by new insight into myself and the God I serve.  Every conflict with God’s help has the potential to strengthen my heart.

Protect your heart and the heart of the people you love, no matter how unpopular that is to the rest of the world.