Empty vessel

Today I opened up the refrigerator and found this.  My mind flashed into remembrance the feeling of being totally empty.  I must have had a strange look on my face, because my children all came over, to look and see, why the refrigerator was making me smile. (especially this refrigerator)

My husband and I went through a period of intensely painful, betrayal and upheaval that resulted in the complete emptying of ourselves and total reliance on God.  There’s no greater catalyst forward than full surrender.  Few would willing choose this time of upheaval, including myself.  Yet here we are again my husband and I at the edge of everything we are, finding out we are not enough.  Nor can we ever be.

All eyes are on you during that naked and empty period of exposure.  What we choose to fill ourselves with is witnessed. Good or bad.  Everyone is waiting to see.  Some are cheering you on, and some are waiting to witness a good fall.  Either way, you will be responsible for what you choose, no one else.

During the last period of upheaval and emptying we learned how to strengthen and unify our marriage.  How to surrender daily, to determine every course of action no matter how small. And finally that life has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Him.  That no matter what circumstances we are in, we are still accountable to our Lord in every moment and in every step.

Pray: Thank you Jesus, for teaching me what I so desperately need to learn.  I am your open, empty book, create within me Your redemption story.  I surrender my life to Your will and creative genius.  I know that You can, and will do a better job with my life than I can.  Thank you for caring enough to mold me.  I love you.  Amen.

I wonder what I will be taught during this next phase of threshing.  I pray that the chaff will be blown away, soon, and His masterpiece revealed.  I will write about what My Lord reveals, as He unfolds it.

Sometimes seeing an empty vessel is a good thing.  If you have been there and know this bitter, sweetness, feel free to comment me.  I love to hear what God is transforming in other people’s lives.

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You can not carry your child’s cross

crossYou can not carry your child’s cross.  Luke 9:23 states,  Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.  We can not pick up their cross but are called to pick up our own personal cross daily.

We can not pick up our children’s crosses it does not work that way.  God created their cross for them.  Their unique attributes and obstacles; some to endure, some to overcome and some to count as pure joy.  All of these obstacles and attributes are blended together to create the masterpiece that is them.  We can not interrupt the process of them “becoming” to reduce our own pain.  I too anguish over my children’s struggles they seem unnecessary, messy, painful and without purpose.  I say to myself, “Surely the Lord would want me to fix this”, when the answer is, “no this is for them to endure” I languish in my pain and allow joy to be stolen from me.

Someone once told me about the process of a butterflies birth and I believe it applies here.  A butterfly once it is cocooned must then bite its way through the cocoon and slowly squeeze itself out millimeter my millimeter as it’s wings slowly unfold they dry.  Someone seeing that pain and slow progress pulled the butterfly out quickly, “saving it”.  This butterfly never did fully develop it’s wings and could not fly.  Because you see in that slow painful process the wings were fully developing.  We can not “ease” the process it is not possible.

Lord help me to stop trying to “ease” the process.  Let me to live in the moment and to feel the joy that you are granting me.  Strengthen me through your joy.  I love you Lord and I trust you with my children.  Take them Lord for you know the plans you have for them.  Grant me the strength to get out of your way.  Help me Lord instead to pick up my own cross.  Do not let me un-shoulder my privilege and my right to bear my own cross.  I need You in my life.  I surrender my motherhood to you.  I love you Lord, Amen.