Trust until???

My hands crash through my purse frantic to find the keys.  Their cold metal would be a delight to my fingertips, my heart races certainly; these are it. I pull out a finger nail file.

Panic no longer in the backseat but in full control, accusations fly at my children, “Did you move them?

I always put them in my purse!

I’m going back through the parking lot and the store.  Watch the girls, boys”

In a dead sprint, I look back in the drizzling rain to see the pathetic faces of my three, seven and twelve year old children, my hand slides down in defeat and makes contact with the keys attached to the ring of my purse strap.

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keys( Kzinn- morgue file)

There are more times than I want to admit when I left the most important thing to chase after the lesser thing spurred on by panic.

In the above, scenario I left my precious children alone and vulnerable in the cold and dangerously dark parking lot in order to chase keys the thing I thought I really needed.

How many of us if we are honest have left the safety of operating in God’s will in order to chase something else that sounded good and seemed important?

Where was my trust in God that cold night?

It’s easy to look back and see where my trust was – in my own abilities to rescue us, the keys. I chose to look at the cold, dark world and see its power and not the Savior I serve.

 

Where in the bible does it say:

Trust until?

  • Trust until it doesn’t make since
  • Trust until you are in pain
  • Trust until your children are hurting.
  • Trust until your circumstances don’t match your dreams
  • Trust until it gets really hard
  • Trust until you did what other Christians told you to do and it still didn’t work
  • Trust until you are disappointed
  • Trust until you lose your business.

 

This is one of the promises of God.

Psalm 84:12

O Lord of hosts, blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, and that without fear or misgiving]! (AMPC)

 

I have been ruminating on this promise and concluded the simple and difficult fact is you are blessed when you get out of your own way.  When you don’t choose to try to control life but instead give full trust where it is due, Christ Jesus.

 

I can attest to the truth of Proverbs 3: 5-6, whenever I chose my own wisdom life takes very drastic and unfortunate turns. When I rely on Him my path becomes steady and true.  The word easy doesn’t come to mind when I think of the current path of my life but steady is accurate.  God the great provider is faithful to continue to bring me forward.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. (AMPC)

 

 

Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me to remember in the very moment of panic, anxiety and worry to trust in You.  To stop and breathe and allow the living and powerful God within me to take control.  Let my hands and feet and the speech from my mouth be an extension of Christ’s purposes.  Help me to navigate this dark world and bring Your Light to the hurting. Let the pursuit of my heart always be You.  Your kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  Let it be so in my life.  That I fulfill Your will with immediate and full obedience. You are worthy of my trust and I proclaim my trust is in You- Christ Jesus. Thank You, Amen.

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Dare!

“This couldn’t be the right place?!”

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My eyes soak in brick driveway and staircase seamlessly leading to the mansion. I dare not look up for fear of losing composure and frankly nerve to continue to move I busy my mind with drinking in the beauty of my surroundings.
Propped against the staircase its solid brick reassures me, I am not dreaming. Captivated by the rooftops, I quickly lose track of the number of peaks and spires.
“How many rooms are there and who cleans all of them?” “Maybe it could be me?”
My thoughts jolt me back into reality, “Remember what you are here for I chastise”
My hand flutter within my purse relieved to feel the weight of the linen paper within my hand. The pads of my fingertips rub the wax seal- the broken wax crumbles slightly beneath my touch.
Breathe escapes my lips as I read the invitation reassured by its presence.

“What do you want me to do for you?”

-Your King

Strength renews my spine and with resolve, I move forward and drastically upward. My hand snakes out and rapidly pounds the door knocker a satisfying boom is loud against the peaceful day. Immediately the door swings wide and a plump middle-aged man thoroughly likeable upon sight ushers me in.
“Glad to see you, come on in, let me take you directly to the King.”
We move through room after room more lavish than the rest, joyful people move about purposefully without a hint of surprise or concern of my presence. “Who are these lucky people?”
He smiled and spoke without stopping. “They are all servants of the King.” “We can’t hesitate for a moment the King is so pleased you are coming and has long awaited the day you would come and answer his question.”
Thoughts tumbled, “I just received this invitation yesterday- why would he say waited a long time and those people were not dressed like servants- no servant I ever saw!”
My escort stops in front of a heavy oak door in front of me no different than any other door I had walked through.
“Knock child,” my escort insists.
Before my hand connects to the door, its latch releases. The presence of the King falls upon me as I cross the threshold. Each step echoes as I falter forward, not daring to fully look toward the throne but I glance from side to side at the immense pillars running the length of the room. It became abundantly clear the room was larger than possible and covered more area than the entire mansion itself possessed.
“Woman” echoed in my head. Startled I look up and see I am at the bottom of an impossibly brilliant staircase unable to fully focus on the King, the pearl- like stone held my gaze.
“What?” I squeak.
“Woman, what do you want me to do for you?”
My mind folds in half one side screams ask to be a servant- look at their lives-so joyful, the other half insists money, you can’t even feed your family- who are you to ask for more?
“Please give me $200 dollars that is enough to feed my family for a whole week.”
The door bumps my backside I slide down its smooth surface and release the two crisp $100 dollar bills I watch them flutter end to end to the ground their weight and purpose defenseless to the draft of the closing door.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
How often do we ignorantly do what the foolish woman did? How often does a door close because we ask foolishly?

Matthew 20:32-34
Yeshua stopped, called them and said, “What do you want me to do for you?” They said to him, “Lord, open our eyes.” Filled with tenderness, Yeshua touched their eyes; and instantly they received their sight and followed him. (CJB)

The maker of the Universe, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is asking us.

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Will you answer Him? And receive your sight so that you might follow Him?
Search and find for yourself how many times the Lord tells us in His Word to ask of Him so that we might receive. To name a few (John 15:7, Psalm 107:6, Jeremiah 33:3, John 16:24, Mathew 21:22)

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Do you know how you will answer? –The King.

                   This is not an invitation given to you today- it was given to you before your conception, before time began. Answer Him with obedience and reverence.

Consider this prayer:
According to my faith Christ Jesus, grant me Your greatest desire for my life. Increase my faith so that I might ask wisely. I want nothing less than the blood of Jesus to wash the entirety of me. Restore me to my original creation design. Your will for my life be seen and known. Embolden me to grasp ahold of Your great vision. Thank You, for Your tender mercies. Amen

Shaken but please don’t STIR!!!

My arms flew up to catch myself, crunching plastic splintered, I yelped in pain.  vertigo blogPropped against the bathtub trying to grasp what just happened, “Where am I?’ escaped my lips.  My attempts to regain reality were thwarted when I opened my eyes my whole world twirled.  Desperate for my bed I crawled futilely attempting not to move my head, I inched toward what I hoped was sanctuary.

What is going on?” were my last voiced thoughts. I miraculously drifted back to sleep.

The pain in my hand startled me awake; I prayed it was all a weird dream. As I rolled over to sit-up, I almost crashed onto the floor.  My inner ear the (vestibular system) no longer had a true north or anchor.  My body was unable to determine what was upright and what was sideways.  With my eyes open, I could walk but the room spun, so fast the nausea was overwhelming.  If I shut my eyes, the nausea was better but I could not walk straight.

I cried out to the Lord, “Make it stop!!”  After a few minutes (okay maybe hours) I realized it was not going to stop and cried out with a new understanding, “What are You trying to teach me, and let me receive it quickly I need to function!”

 

Hebrews 6:17-20 (AMP)

17 In the same way God, in His desire to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable nature of His purpose, intervened and guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things [His promise and His oath] in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled [to Him] for refuge would have strong encouragement and indwelling strength to hold tightly to the hope set before us. 19 This hope [this confident assurance] we have as an anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot break down under whatever pressure bears upon it]—a safe and steadfast hope that enters within the veil [of the heavenly temple, that most Holy Place in which the very presence of God dwells], 20 where Jesus has entered [in advance] as a forerunner for us, having become a High Priest forever according to the order of [a]Melchizedek.

            The Holy Spirit brought into remembrance Hebrews 3:17-20 and asked, “What would it be like Heather to have no Christ to have no understanding of reality- What would keep you straight, safe, sane?”

My hellish vertigo as scary as it was held no candle to the anxiety and frantic desperation that unbelievers must have when their world is shaken.  We live in shaking times let us cling to the only true anchor.

             Prayer:   We are desperate for Your steady hand in our lives Lord. We cannot navigate in this shaking world without You.  Hear our frantic cry as we turn to You, humble our hearts and ask for Your divine intervention in our lives.  Grant us revelation of Your glory and might so that we might see the strength and enormity of the anchor that we cling to.  You are greater than our wildest imaginations; I pray that You increase our imaginations to grasp even a piece of the awe of the Lord.  Great are You Lord and forever You do reign.  I praise Your movement in my life.  Thank You, Amen.

Does God heal?

         I proclaimed and declared that when my son was healed that the money that would have gone to the surgery which was $2,500 would go to a safe house my friend started for women rescued from sex- trafficking.

Great idea right?
Did God deliver a miraculous healing?-NO

Why?

Did my thought patterns not align with the Word of God?
Did He not want my son healed?
Did He think money spent on surgery was better than money spent on redeeming brutalized women?

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        Those questions scream absurdly, staring at me from this white page! – Yet, when they bounce around in my own head, the pain twists and turns these questions into plausible statements.

I struggle to rid my thoughts of the lies of the enemy.

 

Why does my child have to go through pain?

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(krosseel, morgue file)

             There is only one solution to my pain and confusion and it is exquisitely painful and exquisitely simple. Take it to the cross and press into Christ.

             What does that mean? I don’t go perfect and I don’t go with any answers, I just acknowledge He is God and I am not. The Cross has covered my pain in His blood. I know someday the pain will lesson and maybe I will see clearer. For now it is more than enough to lay myself before Him because He is more than enough.

              I confessed I let my pain in seeing my child suffer and those feelings of loss of control shift my reliance mechanism.

             I shifted from total reliance on Christ the Creator of the Universe who loves my son more than I do, to reliance on man. Kind of a silly trade off to say the least.

REDEMPTION

Romans 8:1-2, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

          I confessed my sins of making the medical experts and man my idol instead of going to Christ first. This freed me to see the Truth.

Romans goes on to say, 2-” because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. (NIV)

Christ’s death allows me to find healing from pain. I don’t need to live in condemnation of the enemy I can stand up and keep walking.

I still have questions:

Does God heal? – Yes

Does God heal through the medical field? – Yes

We must always submit to Christ first and see what His plan is and not our own. What does He want done.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

My messing up, by not acknowledging Him right away in this pain process did not, could not and will not deter God’s purposes for the life of my son.

                I know that, the $2,500 will be redeemed for the safe house. I see His work in it now (already)while I gather supplies to take up on Saturday. There is no doubt in my mind by the end of His outpouring of love to these women He will have moved far more than $2,500 for them. His love is so vast it humbles me as I see but a glimpse of it.

His purposes will always find a way even through our broken submission.

Prayer: I acknowledge You,  I don’t know everything but I do know You love me. Cover me in the blood of the Lamb as my mother heart recovers from what feels like a defeat. Show me Your victory Christ.  You have overcome and I am an overcomer through You. Continue to reveal Your great mysteries to Your servants.  I praise You through the pain.  Great is the glory of the Lord and forever He does reign.  Thank You, Jesus.  Amen

The Big “R” word

        Snickers, turned faces, turned away hearts real or imagined torment us.  All the earth faces rejection the enemy seeks to propagate it, fortify it and invites us to slay others with rejection.

file0001529921373 (1)(ariadna, morgue file)

My own pain seems distant. A disconnect far from me but my children’s pain is burning me up, the ache is horrific. I recognize that only God can heal this and rely on His understanding of my children’s earthly rejection.  (Middle school is horrible)

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Spirit of rejection be gone in Jesus name.

Brilliant light emerges and in enters waves of love, joy and peace.  The hushed sounds of our feet vibrating with praise resonate on the cobblestone bricks of gold, we pause to receive the crowns we earned from obedience to Christ by no works of our own.  Great joy erupts as we place our crowns before Christ and every fiber of our being joins in unity of praise to the Maker of the Universe.  Deep unity a living thing moves through us and out toward others.  Feelings of righteousness and belonging smooth out every rough spot within us.

There is no disunity, it is a word unrecognizable in heaven.  There can be no rejection when the Bride of Christ is complete.

Let us live and breathe and make our life in the Truth the eternal truth of Christ’s total acceptance. We were created before time for many purposes that delight God’s heart as He sees them emerge from within us.  Do not let the enemy squelch the joy of your salvation.

Bride of Christ rise up against rejection.

Prayer: We proclaim and declare that rejection; self-rejection, perceived- rejection, and fear of rejection be gone in Jesus name. You no longer have a hold on us. We do not accept the lies of the enemy that we are inferior, a mistake or anything less than the delight of Christ. We will not carry out Satan’s plans to hurt others.  We seek unity in Christ and ask for a great humbling.  Set us free! Search our hearts and reveal our pain so that we might reject the lies of the enemy.  Great is the glory of the Lord and forever He does reign.  There is a void in our beings where rejection once lived and we ask that You bless us with the Spirit of Truth, confidence, love, joy and a deep penetration of acceptance within us. Fill that space with the mind of Christ. Replaces lies with Truth we seek Your face and Your will in all things.  We repent of any actions, thoughts or feelings that produced pain in another person.  Help us Lord Jesus, to know our identity in Christ.  As deep calls to deep, draw us in.  Thank You, Jesus.  Amen.

Purity re-claimed!!!

Purity re-claimed

The enemy is evil to the core.  He searches out and finds the most innocent and vulnerable to ravage their hearts.

According to the Center for Disease Control, 2012 statistics, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually assaulted before the age of 18 in the United States.  These facts may make us feel hopeless but remember we serve an awesome God.  He is faithful to heal us.

John 16:33 (AMP)

 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

DSC00093(morgue file, earl53)

Hope is renewed in Christ you can experience your frozen waterfalls of peace, safety and healing begin to flow.

 

Molestation at an early age when children are most vulnerable to the ravages of guilt, shame, and the false responsibility of keeping the family together, the devil pounces.   Children believe as their bodies are ravaged their secret place reserved only for communion with their heavenly Father is also defiled.  Their physical wounds are horrific but worse still are the wounds dealt to their spiritual being leaving them alone and defenseless.  These spiritual wounds may then begin to manifest physical symptoms that are often debilitating.

The enemy tricks the child or adult into laying down their most precious possession their identity and safety in the shelter of Christ. Nothing done in the physical by a father-figure or mother-figure can defile the Father-God relationship.

Nothing done to our physical bodies can defile the purity of our secret/ hidden place in God.  Do not allow the lies from the pit of hell to sway your mind of this truth.

             Women and men who have been violated rise up and reclaim the purity of your secret/ hidden place it was never defiled.

Romans 8:35-39 Who shall ever separate us from the love of [a]Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? Just as it is written and forever remains written, “For Your sake we are put to death all day long; We are regarded as sheep for the slaughter. “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us].  For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced—beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (AMP)

I wish that the body of Christ and humanity as a whole did not suffer from the savage assault of sexual and spiritual abuse. As the body of Christ we must rise up to fight back the darkness and release healing to the suffering.

Prayer:  Faithful and righteous King, Christ Jesus heal all those attacked by this horrific crime. Bring them to a place of Truth.  Let them know their true identity and that their secret place is not defiled.  They have the right and privilege of coming into the throne room of God without guilt or shame.  Remind them they are sons and daughters of the King Most High. You adore them and are proud of them.  We cast out shame, guilt, and false-responsibility in Jesus name.  Encase them in Your peace that passes human understanding and provide them deep safety as they hide in the shelter of Your love.  Thank You,  Jesus.  Amen.

Psalm 91:1 (AMP)

Security of the One Who Trusts in the Lord.

He who [a]dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will remain secure and rest in the shadow of the Almighty [whose power no enemy can withstand].

a46ce151d4aa26917e0d95ea194afacc(Morgue file- EREAN)

This morning before I wrote this, I awoke to God saying, “Hate evil, the enemy of man not the sinner.”  It may seem beyond reason to pray for the perpetrator of such crimes but it honors the Lord when we bring all people into the throne room for His will to reign.

Prayer for perpetrators:  Lord Jesus,  You love all Your children.  Have Your way with the broken perpetrators of assault.  Heal Your child.  Bring them to repentance for their sin.  Take them to a place of healing.  You are a God of miracles- work Your miracles in their lives. Thank You, Jesus.

 

Psalms 61:3-5 AMP

For You have been a shelter and a refuge for me,

A strong tower against the enemy.

Let me dwell in Your tent forever;

Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah.

Overwhelmed by a life!

 

I have the overwhelming privilege of gathering photos for my father in laws service. Jim Sr. is in the process of dying and very much like a birth; this is a time of reflection and anticipation.  I anxiously await his heaven birthday where he will no longer be in pain. My husband is working on the eulogy and is prayerfully considering what to say.

 

In his life, he has many roles:

A father

jim wedding photo- with john

A grandpa

jim and pat couch

A lover of animals

jim and dog

Jim Sr. was a firefighter, bus driver- mechanic and a husband to name a few of his roles.  He is so many things but non greater than a child of God. His choice to follow Jesus has made all the difference in his life and the lives of those who love him.  We are anticipating an eternal life instead of dreading the loss of an earthly one.  Thank You, Jesus for your mercy on him and on those who love him.

 

Please join me in praying. 

       Lord Jesus, we plead the Blood over Jim Sr. that he be released from his earthly body and its death and instead be received into the Kingdom of God with joy.  Let Your peace reign as He transitions to life.  Cancer you cannot keep him bound to his body and pain any longer, be gone in Jesus name.  Christ receives him.  Thank You, Jesus.  By the gift of Your precious blood, let his family and friends and all those he touched rest in Your peace.  Amen.