I proclaimed and declared that when my son was healed that the money that would have gone to the surgery which was $2,500 would go to a safe house my friend started for women rescued from sex- trafficking.
Great idea right?
Did God deliver a miraculous healing?-NO
Did my thought patterns not align with the Word of God?
Did He not want my son healed?
Did He think money spent on surgery was better than money spent on redeeming brutalized women?
Those questions scream absurdly, staring at me from this white page! – Yet, when they bounce around in my own head, the pain twists and turns these questions into plausible statements.
I struggle to rid my thoughts of the lies of the enemy.
Why does my child have to go through pain?
(krosseel, morgue file)
There is only one solution to my pain and confusion and it is exquisitely painful and exquisitely simple. Take it to the cross and press into Christ.
What does that mean? I don’t go perfect and I don’t go with any answers, I just acknowledge He is God and I am not. The Cross has covered my pain in His blood. I know someday the pain will lesson and maybe I will see clearer. For now it is more than enough to lay myself before Him because He is more than enough.
I confessed I let my pain in seeing my child suffer and those feelings of loss of control shift my reliance mechanism.
I shifted from total reliance on Christ the Creator of the Universe who loves my son more than I do, to reliance on man. Kind of a silly trade off to say the least.
Romans 8:1-2, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
I confessed my sins of making the medical experts and man my idol instead of going to Christ first. This freed me to see the Truth.
Romans goes on to say, 2-” because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. (NIV)
Christ’s death allows me to find healing from pain. I don’t need to live in condemnation of the enemy I can stand up and keep walking.
I still have questions:
Does God heal? – Yes
Does God heal through the medical field? – Yes
We must always submit to Christ first and see what His plan is and not our own. What does He want done.
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
My messing up, by not acknowledging Him right away in this pain process did not, could not and will not deter God’s purposes for the life of my son.
I know that, the $2,500 will be redeemed for the safe house. I see His work in it now (already)while I gather supplies to take up on Saturday. There is no doubt in my mind by the end of His outpouring of love to these women He will have moved far more than $2,500 for them. His love is so vast it humbles me as I see but a glimpse of it.
His purposes will always find a way even through our broken submission.
Prayer: I acknowledge You, I don’t know everything but I do know You love me. Cover me in the blood of the Lamb as my mother heart recovers from what feels like a defeat. Show me Your victory Christ. You have overcome and I am an overcomer through You. Continue to reveal Your great mysteries to Your servants. I praise You through the pain. Great is the glory of the Lord and forever He does reign. Thank You, Jesus. Amen