Trust until???

My hands crash through my purse frantic to find the keys.  Their cold metal would be a delight to my fingertips, my heart races certainly; these are it. I pull out a finger nail file.

Panic no longer in the backseat but in full control, accusations fly at my children, “Did you move them?

I always put them in my purse!

I’m going back through the parking lot and the store.  Watch the girls, boys”

In a dead sprint, I look back in the drizzling rain to see the pathetic faces of my three, seven and twelve year old children, my hand slides down in defeat and makes contact with the keys attached to the ring of my purse strap.

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keys( Kzinn- morgue file)

There are more times than I want to admit when I left the most important thing to chase after the lesser thing spurred on by panic.

In the above, scenario I left my precious children alone and vulnerable in the cold and dangerously dark parking lot in order to chase keys the thing I thought I really needed.

How many of us if we are honest have left the safety of operating in God’s will in order to chase something else that sounded good and seemed important?

Where was my trust in God that cold night?

It’s easy to look back and see where my trust was – in my own abilities to rescue us, the keys. I chose to look at the cold, dark world and see its power and not the Savior I serve.

 

Where in the bible does it say:

Trust until?

  • Trust until it doesn’t make since
  • Trust until you are in pain
  • Trust until your children are hurting.
  • Trust until your circumstances don’t match your dreams
  • Trust until it gets really hard
  • Trust until you did what other Christians told you to do and it still didn’t work
  • Trust until you are disappointed
  • Trust until you lose your business.

 

This is one of the promises of God.

Psalm 84:12

O Lord of hosts, blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, and that without fear or misgiving]! (AMPC)

 

I have been ruminating on this promise and concluded the simple and difficult fact is you are blessed when you get out of your own way.  When you don’t choose to try to control life but instead give full trust where it is due, Christ Jesus.

 

I can attest to the truth of Proverbs 3: 5-6, whenever I chose my own wisdom life takes very drastic and unfortunate turns. When I rely on Him my path becomes steady and true.  The word easy doesn’t come to mind when I think of the current path of my life but steady is accurate.  God the great provider is faithful to continue to bring me forward.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. (AMPC)

 

 

Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me to remember in the very moment of panic, anxiety and worry to trust in You.  To stop and breathe and allow the living and powerful God within me to take control.  Let my hands and feet and the speech from my mouth be an extension of Christ’s purposes.  Help me to navigate this dark world and bring Your Light to the hurting. Let the pursuit of my heart always be You.  Your kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  Let it be so in my life.  That I fulfill Your will with immediate and full obedience. You are worthy of my trust and I proclaim my trust is in You- Christ Jesus. Thank You, Amen.

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Death’s sting- rebuked

Death brings out the heart of those the loved one touched.

honor guard at the funeral( Honor guard for James Roy Roberts Sr. funeral)

For some great beauty emerges grown from the fertilized ground of pain, their forgiveness unleashes hope and dare I say joy on all those within their presence.

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Hope in Christ alone the great Redeemer. Hope that they too can forgive. Hope the world contains beauty and they too can find it.
My husband, my love the one who inspires my heart to be more Christ like John Roberts, blessed us with a eulogy at his father’s funeral yesterday. I have never been prouder of him.

Eulogy: written and delivered by John Roberts 10-3-2017

It is my duty and my honor to stand here today before you for him. There is no greater honor a son can give than to present his father’s story.

I believe dads life verse is:
John 15:12-13 (NIV)
Jesus own words……
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

He proved this over and over again by risking his life for his friends.
1. US Army 1960-1962 Sargent. (Provo, UT/ Germany)
2. PFD 1963-1983 (Full/Volunteer) Captain
He taught classes around the country teaching fireman & EMT in firefighting techniques & automobile extrication. Showing them new techniques and tools available.
Teaching other to save and protect lives.
3. Pontiac township school district 90 & 429 / Transportation Superintendent (1980-1999)
He worked with Illinois state school board developing school bus safety & education programs. My fathers highest calling was protection of the children of this community and leading others who families entrust their children’s lives.
4. He devoted time to Livingston Humane Society.
My father’s life work was that of one who loved and laid down his life for others, community, and country.
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People try to make salvation so complicated and it’s not.

Let me repeat was Jesus stated & commanded
Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

The real and only question is this…
Do you believe Christ laid down His life for you to call you friend / and to live with Him in eternity. If you have decided, you can’t save yourself that maybe you’re not perfect and that Christ is. Then you are saved.

My father believed Christ died for him and Jesus accepted him as a friend and has brought dad into his family in heaven.

Dad was baptized on March 1st, 1987 . That day he proclaimed to the world that Jesus laid down His life for him.

About 4 years ago to my great honor and relief and joy dad reaffirmed that commitment to Christ when he and I prayed together a simple salvation prayer.

Dad did not need to be perfect to be saved he just needed to know who was.

Like many father and son’s relationships, my father and I’s relationship was not as close as I would have liked it to have been. In the past, couple years I know we drew closer.

Like many father and son’s relationships, my father and I’s relationship was not as close as I would have liked it to have been. In the past, couple years I know we drew closer. See the love a father has for his children is different from that of a mothers. A mother love is that of tenderness and social acceptance. As boys, a mom teaches you to wear clean clothes, not speak in harsh language, try to get along with others, tenderness and acceptance to the world. The love a father is the opposite of that.
My father like his father before him, instructed my brother and I, in a different manner. My father tried to teach us through advice, discipline, and most importantly how to fail falling forward..

Proverbs 19:20 (NIV)
Listen to advice and accept discipline,
and at the end you will be counted among the wise

In a Example of this is the “knife”. I carry this knife with me every day. Like the knife my father gave my brother and the one JIM has that was my fathers. All different types but yet the concept is the same. My Grandfather liked pen knifes, my dad like his Scherade & Bucks. I like the newer carbon fiber one. Different from what dad liked but yet at the root the same. Like the one’s Jim bought his sons, like the ones, I have bought for my sons, and when my daughter are old enough I will buy for them. It’s the tool or tools you take with you every day and everywhere. It is the simplest of the tools. This knife has been by my side everyday driving back and forth to work, hunting, fishing, camping, teaching, It’s been to California, Texas, Oklahoma, Wisconsin and all points between; it is knowledge, it is understanding. At the end of everyday it is not about the knife or any of the other tools he bought for me, it’s about what our father gave us and we carry every day with us. Like the knowledge, his father gave to him and he handed down to us.

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
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As most of you might have known dads last few months were challenging. The dementia and the cancer ravaged his mind and body. However regardless of the battles my father fought daily in his own body, he still found joy around him. The most amazing of this was the joy found in his family and children. Many days when I or Jim showed up to visit he seem confused, but when we would walk in the room to visit he always knew Jim & I just by our presence. He always knew the grandkids, maybe not by name at first, but he knew they were his…if you look at the pictures in the back you will see a joyous smile on my father’s face. It was a love of the smallest ones around us. I believe my father knew just how blessed he was and still is…and what he has left behind…two sons, three step children, fourteen grand children & step grand children.

 

Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV)
Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

 

My father was born the oldest of ten children to Roy & Sara Roberts on August 18, 1937 and returned to his father in heaven on September 27th. He has three surviving brothers: Jerry, Larry and John Roberts. He has four surviving sisters: Thelma Campbell, Sally McCormick, Nancy Arbogast and Debra Zace. He is preceded in death by his parents, Mark and Virgil (brothers)Ron Campbell Dave McCormick(brother in laws)Fran Roberts (sister-in-law), Mark and Jeff Roberts (nephews).
My father’s life was rooted in this community. Not just from the days at the High school, or the fire department. It went much deeper than that. It was rooted in the coffee shops like the old log cabin, the Labor Day parades, Thresher man’s reunion, it was when he delivered parts for Napa to the small businesses around the community. It was in his youth helping Grandpa at the skating rink, and the family shop, it was helping families and friend when in need, it was growing a garden so large that he had no choice but to give most of it away. It was knowing the families that grew and thrived in this community & being there for and with them. My father was not a rich man in the terms of money, but in the terms of faith and understanding of where he came from my father was very wealthy. He loved this town and felt more comfortable here than anywhere else on this earth. He is the fabric that makes up this community. It is also the place that dad, Jim, and I still call our home town. This is where my father raised us.
The story of my father’s life is right here today in this room and in this community. We thank you all for being his life story.

John 15:12-13 (NIV)
Jesus own words……My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

As our heavenly father loves all of us, my earthly father loved all of you.

Yuck- was that you or me?

“Don’t pick it up for goodness sake- No, no, no- drop it! Yuck. What is that or should I say was that? No, I mean, no don’t look at it, I don’t want to know.”
“I think it was cheese gone horribly wrong.”
“No, no it’s too big- definitely a hotdog” insist my sons.
“Don’t analyze it boys. Whatever it is, it just needs to get thrown out. Okay, who’s doing it?”

file0001620437887( slowfoot, Morguefile)

(Of course, we all know this task falls on the mother- and in this case, it most definitely did but only with the help of triple bags. You will be relieved to know I did not look or breathe as I hurled it toward my outdoor far away from my house garbage can – happy to have it gone.)

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The enemy gives us many opportunities to pick up “offense”. To look at something nasty and analyze it, categorize it and spend hours researching it. We of course call it airing our grievances or complaining. But what is it really? What are we trying to gain?

Yes, plans of action need to be created. We need to answer the question, what should be done to avoid this in the future? (Never allowing food in the van again would be a smart plan of action in my case)

               We are under no charge or even obligation to point out someone else’s faults. In fact, we have no rights to point out anything someone else should “work on”. We lie to ourselves and say we are telling them in love for their own good. Do not believe Satan’s lies.

Remember this: Matthew 7:5
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (NIV)

                The Holy Spirit has more than enough power to go about His task of convicting God’s children. When the Holy Spirit brings a person into and under conviction- forgiveness and miraculous changes, can, and will take place. When a person puts another person under condemnation, they are doing the direct work of Satan.

Consider and answer the question for yourself- Where is Satan?

                  Satan is not God and therefore is not omnipresent. Meaning he can only be in one location at a time, (his minions of course are all about). Where is Satan himself?
When I read Revelations 12, I read Satan is in heaven doing his job of accusing us night and day. What do you read?
This leads us to the next question is Revelations prophecy of the age to come or is it present day?

Revelations 12:10 (NIV)
Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.

            (read the entire chapter of Revelations 12 to see the context and determine if it is present day or in the days to come)
If it is in the time to come then Satan is in heaven right now accusing us night and day.
If Revelations 12 has already happened – Then what are we seeing?
I myself believe that Satan is right now in heaven accusing Christ followers night and day but he will be thrown down at the appointed time.

This makes me ask, who are those left on earth to accuse the Saints? Demons for sure but also the brethren themselves turning against each other to accuse and condemn other Christ followers.

Do not be the voice, or hands and feet of Satan.

Lord, help us to remember:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-12

Do not work for Satan!

               Drop your offense, anger, resentment and pride at the foot of the cross and go into battle for your “enemy”. The one who stole from you, the one who accused you, the one who hurt your child, the one who disrupted your plans- pray and fight for that one. Stand.

Luke 6:27-28 But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (NIV)

                 Prayer: Lord Jesus, how easily I am offended when my plans are thwarted. Thank you, for showing me where I need the cleansing blood of the Lamb. I praise You for this current painful situation. Use it to reveal to me what sins need to be removed from me. Pour out Your blood all over my life and my situations. I need Your healing and forgiveness. Please forgive me for not immediately following Your word and praying for my enemies. Grant me the mind and heart of Christ so that I might not stumble but that I might be granted the privilege of immediate and complete obedience to Christ. Thank You for Your tender mercies. Amen.

Dare!

“This couldn’t be the right place?!”

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My eyes soak in brick driveway and staircase seamlessly leading to the mansion. I dare not look up for fear of losing composure and frankly nerve to continue to move I busy my mind with drinking in the beauty of my surroundings.
Propped against the staircase its solid brick reassures me, I am not dreaming. Captivated by the rooftops, I quickly lose track of the number of peaks and spires.
“How many rooms are there and who cleans all of them?” “Maybe it could be me?”
My thoughts jolt me back into reality, “Remember what you are here for I chastise”
My hand flutter within my purse relieved to feel the weight of the linen paper within my hand. The pads of my fingertips rub the wax seal- the broken wax crumbles slightly beneath my touch.
Breathe escapes my lips as I read the invitation reassured by its presence.

“What do you want me to do for you?”

-Your King

Strength renews my spine and with resolve, I move forward and drastically upward. My hand snakes out and rapidly pounds the door knocker a satisfying boom is loud against the peaceful day. Immediately the door swings wide and a plump middle-aged man thoroughly likeable upon sight ushers me in.
“Glad to see you, come on in, let me take you directly to the King.”
We move through room after room more lavish than the rest, joyful people move about purposefully without a hint of surprise or concern of my presence. “Who are these lucky people?”
He smiled and spoke without stopping. “They are all servants of the King.” “We can’t hesitate for a moment the King is so pleased you are coming and has long awaited the day you would come and answer his question.”
Thoughts tumbled, “I just received this invitation yesterday- why would he say waited a long time and those people were not dressed like servants- no servant I ever saw!”
My escort stops in front of a heavy oak door in front of me no different than any other door I had walked through.
“Knock child,” my escort insists.
Before my hand connects to the door, its latch releases. The presence of the King falls upon me as I cross the threshold. Each step echoes as I falter forward, not daring to fully look toward the throne but I glance from side to side at the immense pillars running the length of the room. It became abundantly clear the room was larger than possible and covered more area than the entire mansion itself possessed.
“Woman” echoed in my head. Startled I look up and see I am at the bottom of an impossibly brilliant staircase unable to fully focus on the King, the pearl- like stone held my gaze.
“What?” I squeak.
“Woman, what do you want me to do for you?”
My mind folds in half one side screams ask to be a servant- look at their lives-so joyful, the other half insists money, you can’t even feed your family- who are you to ask for more?
“Please give me $200 dollars that is enough to feed my family for a whole week.”
The door bumps my backside I slide down its smooth surface and release the two crisp $100 dollar bills I watch them flutter end to end to the ground their weight and purpose defenseless to the draft of the closing door.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
How often do we ignorantly do what the foolish woman did? How often does a door close because we ask foolishly?

Matthew 20:32-34
Yeshua stopped, called them and said, “What do you want me to do for you?” They said to him, “Lord, open our eyes.” Filled with tenderness, Yeshua touched their eyes; and instantly they received their sight and followed him. (CJB)

The maker of the Universe, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is asking us.

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Will you answer Him? And receive your sight so that you might follow Him?
Search and find for yourself how many times the Lord tells us in His Word to ask of Him so that we might receive. To name a few (John 15:7, Psalm 107:6, Jeremiah 33:3, John 16:24, Mathew 21:22)

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Do you know how you will answer? –The King.

                   This is not an invitation given to you today- it was given to you before your conception, before time began. Answer Him with obedience and reverence.

Consider this prayer:
According to my faith Christ Jesus, grant me Your greatest desire for my life. Increase my faith so that I might ask wisely. I want nothing less than the blood of Jesus to wash the entirety of me. Restore me to my original creation design. Your will for my life be seen and known. Embolden me to grasp ahold of Your great vision. Thank You, for Your tender mercies. Amen

Shaken but please don’t STIR!!!

My arms flew up to catch myself, crunching plastic splintered, I yelped in pain.  vertigo blogPropped against the bathtub trying to grasp what just happened, “Where am I?’ escaped my lips.  My attempts to regain reality were thwarted when I opened my eyes my whole world twirled.  Desperate for my bed I crawled futilely attempting not to move my head, I inched toward what I hoped was sanctuary.

What is going on?” were my last voiced thoughts. I miraculously drifted back to sleep.

The pain in my hand startled me awake; I prayed it was all a weird dream. As I rolled over to sit-up, I almost crashed onto the floor.  My inner ear the (vestibular system) no longer had a true north or anchor.  My body was unable to determine what was upright and what was sideways.  With my eyes open, I could walk but the room spun, so fast the nausea was overwhelming.  If I shut my eyes, the nausea was better but I could not walk straight.

I cried out to the Lord, “Make it stop!!”  After a few minutes (okay maybe hours) I realized it was not going to stop and cried out with a new understanding, “What are You trying to teach me, and let me receive it quickly I need to function!”

 

Hebrews 6:17-20 (AMP)

17 In the same way God, in His desire to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable nature of His purpose, intervened and guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things [His promise and His oath] in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled [to Him] for refuge would have strong encouragement and indwelling strength to hold tightly to the hope set before us. 19 This hope [this confident assurance] we have as an anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot break down under whatever pressure bears upon it]—a safe and steadfast hope that enters within the veil [of the heavenly temple, that most Holy Place in which the very presence of God dwells], 20 where Jesus has entered [in advance] as a forerunner for us, having become a High Priest forever according to the order of [a]Melchizedek.

            The Holy Spirit brought into remembrance Hebrews 3:17-20 and asked, “What would it be like Heather to have no Christ to have no understanding of reality- What would keep you straight, safe, sane?”

My hellish vertigo as scary as it was held no candle to the anxiety and frantic desperation that unbelievers must have when their world is shaken.  We live in shaking times let us cling to the only true anchor.

             Prayer:   We are desperate for Your steady hand in our lives Lord. We cannot navigate in this shaking world without You.  Hear our frantic cry as we turn to You, humble our hearts and ask for Your divine intervention in our lives.  Grant us revelation of Your glory and might so that we might see the strength and enormity of the anchor that we cling to.  You are greater than our wildest imaginations; I pray that You increase our imaginations to grasp even a piece of the awe of the Lord.  Great are You Lord and forever You do reign.  I praise Your movement in my life.  Thank You, Amen.

So excited!

FullSizeRender (30)            Grace started gymnastics yesterday on the drive there she said,  “Mom I am so excited, I think my feet are going to fly off!!!”

What if we had that level of joy?  What would our lives look like?

John 15:9-11 (AMP)

 I have loved you just as the Father has loved Me; remain in My love[and do not doubt My love for you].  If you keep My commandments and obey My teaching, you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and remain in His love. I have told you these things so that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy may be made full and complete and overflowing.

To receive over-flowing joy we need to remain in our “secret place” with the Lord and willingly lay down our desires to His teachings.  I don’t know about you but I need help to continue to lay down my will to fulfill His teachings.

Prayer:  Jesus, I say yes to my joy being made full, complete and over-flowing. I proclaim and declare that I will remain in my Father God’s love.  Help me immediately and complete obey Your will.  Thank You, Jesus. Amen. 

Does God heal?

         I proclaimed and declared that when my son was healed that the money that would have gone to the surgery which was $2,500 would go to a safe house my friend started for women rescued from sex- trafficking.

Great idea right?
Did God deliver a miraculous healing?-NO

Why?

Did my thought patterns not align with the Word of God?
Did He not want my son healed?
Did He think money spent on surgery was better than money spent on redeeming brutalized women?

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        Those questions scream absurdly, staring at me from this white page! – Yet, when they bounce around in my own head, the pain twists and turns these questions into plausible statements.

I struggle to rid my thoughts of the lies of the enemy.

 

Why does my child have to go through pain?

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(krosseel, morgue file)

             There is only one solution to my pain and confusion and it is exquisitely painful and exquisitely simple. Take it to the cross and press into Christ.

             What does that mean? I don’t go perfect and I don’t go with any answers, I just acknowledge He is God and I am not. The Cross has covered my pain in His blood. I know someday the pain will lesson and maybe I will see clearer. For now it is more than enough to lay myself before Him because He is more than enough.

              I confessed I let my pain in seeing my child suffer and those feelings of loss of control shift my reliance mechanism.

             I shifted from total reliance on Christ the Creator of the Universe who loves my son more than I do, to reliance on man. Kind of a silly trade off to say the least.

REDEMPTION

Romans 8:1-2, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

          I confessed my sins of making the medical experts and man my idol instead of going to Christ first. This freed me to see the Truth.

Romans goes on to say, 2-” because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. (NIV)

Christ’s death allows me to find healing from pain. I don’t need to live in condemnation of the enemy I can stand up and keep walking.

I still have questions:

Does God heal? – Yes

Does God heal through the medical field? – Yes

We must always submit to Christ first and see what His plan is and not our own. What does He want done.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

My messing up, by not acknowledging Him right away in this pain process did not, could not and will not deter God’s purposes for the life of my son.

                I know that, the $2,500 will be redeemed for the safe house. I see His work in it now (already)while I gather supplies to take up on Saturday. There is no doubt in my mind by the end of His outpouring of love to these women He will have moved far more than $2,500 for them. His love is so vast it humbles me as I see but a glimpse of it.

His purposes will always find a way even through our broken submission.

Prayer: I acknowledge You,  I don’t know everything but I do know You love me. Cover me in the blood of the Lamb as my mother heart recovers from what feels like a defeat. Show me Your victory Christ.  You have overcome and I am an overcomer through You. Continue to reveal Your great mysteries to Your servants.  I praise You through the pain.  Great is the glory of the Lord and forever He does reign.  Thank You, Jesus.  Amen